One evening, during a community supper, they sat across from each other. As the meal progressed, the widower worked up the courage and asked, “Will you marry me?”

After a thoughtful pause, she smiled and replied, “Yes. Yes, I will.”
They shared a lovely evening and went their separate ways.

The next morning, the widower was troubled. He couldn’t remember if she had said “yes” or “no.”

Nervously, he called her and confessed, “I’m so sorry, but my memory isn’t what it used to be. Last night, when I asked if you’d marry me, did you say yes or no?”

She laughed warmly and said, “I said yes, and I meant it with all my heart!”

Then, with a chuckle, she added, “And I’m so glad you called because I couldn’t remember who asked me!”
The Old Couple and the Hearing Aid

An old couple, George and Martha, are sitting on their front porch rocking in their chairs, watching the sun go down like they have every evening for the past 40 years.
George turns to Martha and says, “You know, Martha, I’m proud of us. All these years, through thick and thin, we’ve stuck together.”

Martha smiles sweetly and replies, “What was that, dear?”

George raises his voice, “I said—I’m proud of us!”

Martha squints. “You’re… proud of the bus?”

“No! US! YOU AND ME!”

“Oh!” she says. “Well that’s nice. I’m proud of the bus too, though. It’s always on time.”

George sighs, shakes his head, and mutters, “I told you to get those hearing aids checked.”

Martha waves a hand, “Nonsense. I hear just fine.”

Next day, they go to the doctor’s office to finally get Martha’s hearing tested. After some time, the doctor comes out and says, “Well, good news—Martha’s hearing can be helped with a new state-of-the-art hearing aid. But it’ll cost about $3,000.”

George nearly falls out of his chair. “Three thousand dollars?! Does it come with surround sound and a Spotify subscription?”

But Martha gets the hearing aid, and after a week, the doctor calls George for a follow-up.

“So, how’s Martha doing with her new hearing aid?”

George says, “Fantastic. I’ve tested her a few times. I stand behind her and ask a question quietly to see how far she can hear.”

“Really?” the doctor says. “That’s a good method. How far back did you go?”

“Well,” George says, “last night I stood about 20 feet behind her while she was cooking and said, ‘What’s for dinner?’ No answer. So I got closer—15 feet. Still nothing. Ten feet—still no reply. Finally, I was right behind her and said, ‘What’s for dinner?’”

The doctor asks, “And what did she say?”

George sighs, “She turned around and yelled, ‘For the FOURTH time, GEORGE—it’s CHICKEN!’”

LOL!!

Hope this joke will make you smile! Have a nice day!!

He asks, “What was that for?”

She says, “I found a piece of paper in your pocket with Betty Sue written on it.”

He says, “Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? Betty Sue was the name of the horse I went there to bet on.”

She shrugs and walks away. Three days later he is reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan.

He asks, “What was that for?”

She answers, “Your horse called.”

LOL!!

Hope this joke will make you smile! Have a nice day!!
Gift For Husband

A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session.
Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her a good trip.

The wife answers, “Thank you, honey, what would you like me to bring for you?”

The husband laughs and says, “An Italian girl!!!”

The woman kept quiet and left.

Two weeks later he picks her up at the airport and asks, “So, honey, how was the trip?”

“Very good, thank you.”

“And, what happened to my present?”

“Which present?” She asked.

“The one I asked for – an Italian girl!!”

“Oh, that,” she said. “Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait for nine months to see if it is a girl!!!”

“The washing machine is broken,” she announced.

The husband sighed, setting down his mug. “Alright, I’ll take a look at it.”

She crossed her arms. “Oh, so now you’re a washing machine repairman?”

He raised an eyebrow. “I mean, I can try—”

“Careful! CAREFUL!” she suddenly shouted as he knelt beside the washer. “You have to open it properly! Oh my GOD! Do you even know what you’re doing?! LEFTY LOOSEY, RIGHTY TIGHTY! No, no, NO! Not like that! You’ll break it! Do you even know what that part does? WHERE ARE THE INSTRUCTIONS? Did you even read the instructions?!”

The husband blinked up at her. “Honey, I—”

“Be careful with that screwdriver! You’re going to electrocute yourself! DO YOU WANT TO DIE?! Maybe you should call a professional! Oh my GOD, you never listen! Why are you even touching that?! USE A WRENCH! A WRENCH, FOR THE LOVE OF—”

The husband slowly stood up, dusted off his hands, and looked her dead in the eye.

“Now you know what it feels like when you cook dinner.”

He is expected to regain consciousness in a few days.

A husband and wife were arguing over who should brew the coffee each morning.

A husband and wife were arguing over who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, “You should do it because you wake up first. That way, we don’t have to wait for coffee.”

The husband replied, “Well, you’re in charge of the cooking, so brewing coffee should be your job. I don’t mind waiting.”

The wife, not missing a beat, said, “No, it’s your responsibility. And besides, it says in the Bible that the man should make the coffee.”

The husband raised an eyebrow.

“Really? I don’t believe that. Show me where it says that.”

Smiling, the wife grabbed the Bible, flipped it open, and pointed to the top of several pages.

“There,” she said triumphantly, “Hebrews.”

One evening, not long after their honeymoon, he was busy organizing his golf equipment.

His wife stood nearby, quietly observing him.

After a lengthy silence, she finally spoke:

“Tim, I’ve been thinking. Now that we’re married, maybe it’s time you gave up golfing. You spend so much time at it, and you could probably sell your clubs for a good price.”

Tim froze, a horrified expression spreading across his face.

Alarmed, she asked, “Darling, what’s wrong?”

“For a moment there, you sounded just like my ex-wife,” he said.

“Ex-wife?!” she exclaimed. “I didn’t know you were married before!”

“I wasn’t,” Tim replied.

LOL!!

One evening, as a couple was getting ready for bed

One evening, as a couple was getting ready for bed, the wife suddenly asked:

Wife: “Honey… do you think I’ve gained weight?”

The husband (texting on his phone, not looking up): “Uh… a little.”

Silence. Dangerous silence.

Wife: “What do you mean ‘a little’? You actually think I’ve gotten fat?”

Husband (still oblivious): “Well… you asked. I thought you wanted an honest answer.”

Wife: “Do you realize that question was a trap?”

Husband: “A trap? What kind of trap?”

Wife: “A trap to test your love! The correct answer is: ‘No, babe, you’re as stunning as ever.’ Not ‘Uh… a little!’ Oh my god!”

Husband: “But you said you wanted me to always be honest with you!”

Wife: “I want you to be honest with the world, not with me!”

Husband (trying to recover): “I mean… you’ve gained a little, but it’s cute! Like, in a huggable way…”

Wife: “Aha! So you admit there’s been weight gain! Thanks for confirming!”

Husband: “… I feel like I’m on trial right now.”

Wife: “Correct. And you just confessed under oath.”

Husband silently grabs a pillow and blanket.

Wife: “Where are you going?”

Husband: “To the couch. Trying to avoid a five-year sentence.”

The first says: “Fellas, I got real problems. I’m seventy years old. Every morning at seven o’clock I get up and I try to urinate. All day long I try to urinate. They give me all kinds of medicine but nothing helps.”

The second old man says: “You think you have problems. I’m eighty years old. Every morning at 8:00 I get up and try to move my bowels. I try all day long. They give me all kinds of stuff but nothing helps.”

Finally the third old man speaks up: “Fellas: I’m ninety years old. Every morning at 7:00 sharp I urinate. Every morning at 8:00 I move my bowels. Every morning at 9:00 sharp I wake up.”

A 97-year-old man goes into the insurance and says to the insurer:

“Hello, my son. I want to have a life insurance policy.”

Perplexed by the old man, the insurer asks: “Sorry for the indiscretion, but why do you want to make life insurance?”

“You know my son I will travel with my father to Europe.”

Even more perplexed the insurer, asks: “Again, sorry, but how old is your father?”

“127. ”

“127? And what will you do in Europe?”

He answers: “We will go to my grandfather’s wedding.”

Even more shocked the insurer asks: “And how old is your grandfather?”

“He is … Oh, 150.”

And the insurer ready to hear everything now, asks: “Oh well, how come your grandfather wants to get married at this age?”

“Bullshit, you know his parents are pressing him!”

The Newlywed’s Curious Question—and an Unexpected Twist

It was a peaceful evening. A newlywed couple lay in bed, enjoying the comfort of each other’s presence. They had only been married for a short while, still getting used to the rhythms of sharing their lives so intimately. As they lay there, the husband suddenly turned to his wife, curiosity tugging at him.

“Hey,” he said softly, “how many men have you slept with?”

The question hung in the air. It was one of those inquiries that could lead to either deeper connection or uncomfortable tension. He didn’t ask with anger or suspicion—just an open curiosity. He thought if they were going to build a life together, they might as well be open about everything, even the past.

But his wife said nothing. She just lay there, eyes fixed on the ceiling, completely silent.

The husband noticed her hesitation. Gently, he tried to reassure her. “Come on, it’s okay. You can tell me. I won’t get upset—I just want to know. How many?”

Still, not a word. Her expression didn’t change, and her gaze remained locked on the ceiling above them. It was as if she hadn’t heard him at all. Or maybe she was deep in thought? Either way, it left him feeling uneasy.

Regret washed over him. He hadn’t meant to make her uncomfortable. He sighed, his voice soft and apologetic. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I just thought… you know, we could be honest with each other.”

Silence continued to fill the room.

Realizing he wasn’t going to get an answer, the husband decided to let it go. “It’s fine,” he murmured. “Please don’t be upset.” He wanted to ease the tension between them, so he leaned in close, wrapping his arms around her in a warm, comforting embrace. He kissed her shoulder gently and whispered sweet, loving words in her ear.

And then, just as suddenly as she had gone silent, his wife turned to him with an expression that was half exasperated, half amused.

“Damn it!” she huffed. “You made me lose count!”

The husband stared for a moment before they both burst into laughter. The heaviness in the room vanished in an instant. That playful twist revealed not just her sense of humor but also how unpredictable and fun marriage could be—if you’re willing to laugh together.

A Widow’s Unexpected Request That Left Her Husband Speechless

In another story, a married couple found themselves discussing something far more serious. The wife had been reflecting on life, love, and what might happen if she were no longer around. One evening, as they sat together quietly, she turned to her husband and said, “If I die before you do, promise me you won’t marry again.”

At first, her husband was deeply touched by her words. He felt his heart swell with affection. “Aww,” he replied, smiling softly. “That’s so sweet. You want to be my one and only love?”

But his wife shook her head, an amused smile playing on her lips. “No,” she said, matter-of-factly. “It’s not that.”

Her husband was confused. “Then why?” he asked.

Without missing a beat, she replied, “I just don’t want two people mourning me at the same time.”

He stared at her in surprise before they both started laughing. In that moment, he realized once again why he loved her so much—her wit, her charm, and her ability to make even a morbid topic feel lighthearted.

The Takeaway: Humor Can Keep Love Alive

Both of these stories—one about a curious newlywed, the other about a witty wife contemplating life and death—show how humor is a powerful tool in marriage. Relationships can be tricky to navigate, full of emotions, vulnerability, and sometimes tough conversations. But a little laughter goes a long way.

Being honest with your partner doesn’t always have to be serious. Playfulness can help build intimacy, ease tension, and bring two people closer together. After all, life is unpredictable, and marriage is a journey best traveled with someone who makes you laugh—even when things get a little awkward.

She made it her business to know everyone’s business.

One day, she told everyone that George, a quiet man who rarely spoke, was an alcoholic.

“Why would you say that?” the pastor asked.

“Because I saw his truck parked outside the bar last night. That’s all the proof I need!”

George didn’t say a word. He just stared at her.

The next evening, George parked his truck outside Mildred’s house and walked home.

One day, Mrs. Jones went to talk to the minister at the local church.

One day, Mrs. Jones went to talk to the minister at the local church.

“Reverend,” she said, “I have a problem. My husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It’s very embarrassing. What should I do?”

The minister thought for a moment and said, “I have an idea. Take this hatpin with you. I’ll watch for when Mr. Jones is dozing off, and I’ll motion to you. When I do, you give him a little poke in the leg.”

The following Sunday, Mrs. Jones brought the hatpin to church. Sure enough, during the sermon, Mr. Jones started to nod off. The minister noticed and said, “And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?” He nodded toward Mrs. Jones.

“Jesus!” Mr. Jones cried, waking up as his wife poked him with the hatpin.

“Yes, you’re right, Mr. Jones,” said the minister. But soon after, Mr. Jones dozed off again. The minister asked, “Who is your redeemer?” and motioned toward Mrs. Jones.

“God!” Mr. Jones yelled out, again getting poked in the leg.

“Right again!” said the minister. But before long, Mr. Jones fell asleep again. This time, the minister didn’t notice, and he picked up the pace of his sermon, making some gestures that Mrs. Jones mistook for signals to poke her husband.

The minister asked, “What did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?”

Mrs. Jones poked Mr. Jones again, and he woke up, shouting, “If you poke me with that thing one more time, I’ll snap it in half and make you regret it!”

“Amen!” the congregation replied in unison.

Inside was a letter that made her heart squeeze:

“Dear God, I’m Martha, 85 years young and running low on miracles. Some sneaky youngster with unusually fast hands swiped my purse yesterday with my entire month’s pension. $120. I’ve got five dear friends coming for Christmas dinner, and now I can’t even afford a can of cranberry sauce. I know you’re busy with world peace and all, but could you spare a miracle for an old lady with a sweet tooth and empty cupboards? Love, Martha (the one with the crooked garden gnome collection at the end of Maple Street).”

Eleanor shared the letter with her coworkers. By lunch, they’d collected $116, raiding coffee funds, lunch money, and that secret candy bar stash everyone pretended not to know about.

A week after Christmas, another letter arrived:

“Dear God, You’re a real peach! That $116 you’d left in my mailbox made for the best Christmas dinner ever! My friends said it was divine intervention. I’d say they’re right! Even my arthritis felt better!

P.S. Some sticky-fingered postal worker must’ve skimmed $4 off the top. Might want to look into that. I hear you’ve got connections with Santa’s naughty list! Love, Martha.”

An 85-year-old woman named Doris went to the DMV to renew her driver’s license.

The clerk looked at her paperwork and said, “Ma’am, I see here that you haven’t had a single traffic violation in 65 years! That’s incredible!”

Doris beamed. “That’s right, young man! I’ve been driving since I was 20, and not once have I been pulled over, had an accident, or even gotten a parking ticket.”

The clerk was impressed. “Well, that’s quite an achievement. But given your age, I have to ask—are you sure you still feel comfortable driving?”

Doris scoffed. “Of course! I drive every day. I take my friends to bingo, I go to the grocery store, and I even drove myself here! I may be 85, but I have the reflexes of a cat and the vision of an eagle.”

The clerk nodded and handed her a vision test. “Alright, let’s just check your eyesight.”

Doris put on her thick glasses and peered into the vision machine. “Oh yes, I see it! There’s a big ‘E’ at the top, then an ‘F’ and a ‘P’…”

The clerk smiled. “Great! Now, can you read the second row?”

Doris squinted. “Hmm… I see a ‘Q’… or maybe an ‘O’? No, wait! It’s a bicycle!”

The clerk frowned. “Ma’am… there are only letters on the chart.”

Doris waved a hand. “Oh, I know! But at my age, I’ve learned to predict traffic signs. If there’s an ‘O’ and a ‘P’ together, that usually means ‘STOP’! And if there’s a ‘Q,’ it means I should slow down because I’m probably about to miss my turn.”

The clerk hesitated but decided to continue. “Alright, let’s move on to reaction time. I’m going to tap the desk, and when I do, I want you to clap your hands as fast as possible.”

Doris nodded eagerly.

The clerk tapped the desk.

Doris sat still.

The clerk tapped it again.

Still nothing.

Finally, after a full 30 seconds, Doris clapped her hands together.

The clerk raised an eyebrow. “Uh… was there a delay?”

Doris chuckled. “No, dear, I was just finishing my sip of tea first. You should never rush a good Earl Grey.”

The clerk sighed. “Ma’am, I’m really not sure—”

Just then, another DMV worker burst into the room. “Oh, thank goodness you’re here, Mrs. Doris! Your car is blocking four spaces, there’s a shopping cart wedged under your bumper, and your left blinker has been on for 20 minutes.”

Doris gasped. “Oh, my! That must have been someone else’s car!”

The worker shook his head. “Ma’am, it’s a bright pink Cadillac with a ‘Bingo Queen’ bumper sticker and a bobblehead of Betty White on the dashboard.”

Doris thought for a moment. “Hmm… alright, maybe that was me. But in my defense, parking lots are confusing at my age! I remember when they were just dirt and horse hitching posts!”

The clerk took a deep breath. “Ma’am… I think it might be time to consider giving up driving.”

Doris leaned in with a smirk. “Young man, I will stop driving the day I can’t remember where I put my keys.”

The worker shook his head. “Ma’am, your keys are in your hand.”

Doris laughed. “Well, then I guess I’m still good to go!”

And with that, she shuffled out the door, got in her car, and promptly drove off—with her left blinker still flashing.

She heads to the counter and says, “I want to buy that TV.”

The salesman looks at her and says, “I’m sorry, ma’am, we don’t sell to blondes.”

Confused, the blonde walks out and dyes her hair brown. She returns to the store and says, “I want to buy that TV.”

The salesman looks at her again and says, “Ma’am, I’ve told you before, we don’t sell to blondes.”

She walks out again and dyes her hair black. She returns and says, “I want to buy that TV.”

The salesman gives her a tired look and says, “I’ve told you, we don’t sell to blondes.”

Determined, she dyes her hair red and walks back into the store. She says, “I want to buy that TV.”

The salesman sighs and says, “Ma’am, I’ve told you four times now, we don’t sell to blondes.”

The blonde, frustrated, asks, “How do you know I’m a blonde?”

The salesman looks at her and says, “Because, ma’am… that’s a microwave.”

A Rich Blonde Buying A New Sports Car

Carolyn, a rich blonde, buys a new automatic Jaguar XKR Sport.

She drives the car perfectly well during the day, but at night, the car does not move at all.

After trying to drive the car at night for a week (but without success), she angrily calls the Jaguar dealers, and they send out a technician to her.

The technician examines the car and determines that there is nothing wrong with it. So he turns to the blonde and asks, “Ma’am, are you sure you are using the right gears?”

Angry, the rich blonde replies, “How on earth could you ask such a question!? I’m not stupid, you know! Of course, I am using the right gears; I use D during the day and N at night.”

LOL!?!?

Hope this joke will make you smile! Have a nice day!

she went to pay for it and the cashier said you can’t buy that dog food we need evidence that you have a dog, so she bought in her dog and she got the dog food.

The next day the same old lady went to get some cat food and the cashier said you can’t have that cat food we need evidence that you have a cat, so she went home and got her cat and she got the cat food.

Next day the same old lady went in again and she had a box, she told the cashier to put her finger in it, so she did.

She said it felt warm and soft, the little old lady then said now you’re satisfied can I have some toilet paper please!

My three year old son had a lot of problems with potty training; and I was on him constantly.

One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room.

While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course, I checked my seven month old daughter, and she was clean. The I realized that Matt had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him and he said, “No.”

I kept thinking, “Oh Lord, that child has had an accident and I didn’t have any clothes with me.” Then I said, “Matt, are you sure you did not have an accident?”

“No,” he replied.

I just knew that he must have, because the smell was getting worse. Sooooo…. I asked one more time, “Matt, did you have an accident?”

Matt jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled…. “SEE, MOM, IT’S JUST FARTS!!!”

While 100 people nearly choked to death on their tacos, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down to eat his food as if nothing happened. I was mortified!

Some kind elderly people made me feel a lot better, when they came over and thanked me for the best laugh they had ever had!!!

Another old gentleman stopped us in the parking lot as we were leaving, bent over to my son and said:

“Don’t worry son, my wife accuses me of the same thing all the time… I just never had the nerve to make the point like you did.”

Little Johnny once bought his Granny a very fine toilet brush for her birthday.

But when he went to visit her a few weeks later, there wasn’t a sign of it in the bathroom.

Little Johnny asked his Grandma, “Granny, what happened to the loo brush I gave you?”

“Darling, I really didn’t like it. After all those years, I’ve gotten used to the toilet paper, and this new thing was just far to scratchy.”